Surrendering + Panza Love
Good morning friends! Feliz Lunes! What better way to start the week, than a Hello Esperanza Wellness Check-in?! For those who haven’t been following along, a few months ago I signed up for a gym membership. I’ve had some up’s and down’s, since the re-launch of my fitness journey.
Up’s include, but are not limited to, kicking some Body Combat ass at with my sister, dancing (Zumba-ing) with my amigocha, Jocelyn, and finding a new love: Spin! Down’s include: Getting toe surgery :(ouch), staying motivated, and trying to maintain a running schedule. The toe surgery definitely set me back in my goals. Then, to top it off, I had to get the surgery done AGAIN. I won’t go into the gory details because frankly, blood makes me woozy...
Suffice it to say that I have since healed. My body (especially the area between my shoulder blades) has been tense. Usually, that is my muscles’ way of telling me “Girl, it’s TIME.” So, yesterday, I went to my first yoga class since my prenatal days. Yes, that means it was my first yoga class in over a year! 😱
You guys. It was so, so, so amazing. Our instructor was so gentle. He whispered words of encouragement and enlightenment over the course of 90 minutes. I came away with such contentment. During class, he said something that really resonated with me:
Yoga isn’t exercise. It is therapy.
Truer words could not have been spoken!!! With every exhale, I felt all kinds of shit leave my body. As the class progressed, and the poses called our bodies to reveal their true range, I found myself pulling out of a number of postures. I did this not for their complexity, but rather because my shirt kept flying up to reveal my panza. 🙈
It sounds silly, but after what felt like the hundredth time trying to tuck that beast back into my yoga pants, I stopped myself. I was hindering my own growth, my repose, and my pleasure all because I was self-conscious of my less-than-flat abs.
I really had to think about what mattered more: Was it that I didn’t want my fellow yoginis to see my mamí lonjas, or my ability to get lost in these stretches for a while? Needless to say, it was the latter. Now that I am a mom, I do not have the luxury of working out countless hours a day (though I DO miss those two-a-days I used to do, when I would run 6 miles in the morning, then head to CrossFit after work! 💔) I have to take advantage of the moments of solitude classes like these offer.
Self-love is always a journey. For me, it has been about reconnecting with my body. Realizing that it is capable of amazing, magnificent things, like running a marathon, and giving birth, and healing. My belly may be soft, but I am so grateful for what it represents.
And guess what? After I surrendered, and literally let it all hang out, I remembered how STRONG I am. Frankly, I kicked some yoga ass. Can’t wait to do it again.